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SAVE & CLOSE

I Didn’t Know It Was Rape

Posted on by Jasmin Friedman-Enriquez

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. As part of SAAM, Born This Way Foundation is posting a series of guest blogs from sexual assault survivors and awareness and prevention advocates. We want to ignite the conversation around sexual assault and end it. Today’s guest blog is an inspiring story from Jasmin Friedman-Enriquez, the founder of Only With Consent. Only With Consent is dedicated to stopping sexual violence through consent and health education.

Trigger Warning: This post contains descriptions of sexual assault. If you are in immediate danger, please call 911. Please call 800-656-4673 if you would like to speak with the National Sexual Assault Hotline or connect with their online hotline here.

When I was growing up nobody ever taught me about consent or sexual assault.

My parents talked to me about sex, and honestly they were pretty open about it. My mom even told me that it was okay if I had sex before marriage, as long as I felt ready and mature enough to do it.

I went to a private Catholic high school where sex was never talked about – and certainly not talked about as a regular and healthy part of life. I knew my classmates were having sex. If they weren’t going all the way, they were pretty close. But, as a whole, we never spoke about what it meant to want to get intimate with someone or how to do it in a way that respected our partner’s wishes or our own.

Halfway into my senior year of high school, a guy I was dating raped me at his grandmother’s house. He told me that if I told anyone about what happened he would ruin my reputation and I would get kicked out of school. His dad was a football coach. He was a football player. I was president of student government. I believed him.

He started telling people that we had sex and that I wanted it. At the time I didn’t know that a boyfriend could technically rape their partner because I thought rape only happened by a stranger. I knew what happened to me was wrong because I could feel it in my bones, but I didn’t know that it was rape.

When we talked about sex at home or at school we never talked about sexual assault or rape. The only information I knew about rape was what I learned watching the local news.

I didn’t know it wasn’t my fault.
I didn’t know I didn’t have to do it if I didn’t want to.
I didn’t know when I said no he was supposed to listen.
I didn’t know he raped me to take my power and control away from me.
I didn’t know I could report it to my school.
I didn’t know my school was supposed to help me if I needed it.
I didn’t know that I didn’t deserve what happened to me.
I didn’t know someone who said he cared about me could do something so traumatic.
I didn’t know how to cope with what happened.
I didn’t know how to look at myself in the mirror after what he did to me.
I didn’t know how to love myself after it happened.
I didn’t know.

Eight years later, I am doing everything in my power to make sure other people do know. I’ve dedicated my life to teaching people about consent, sexual assault, rape, communication, and supporting survivors through an organization I started called Only With Consent.

Every single person on this planet deserves to know that if they were assaulted, it wasn’t their fault. They deserve to know they have a choice of whether they want to participate in any intimate activity or not. They need to know that they must respect their partner’s decision to say “no” or “not now” or “not ever” – regardless of how badly they personally want to do it. They need to know that if they want to have sex or get intimate at all, it’s okay as long as they get consent, communicate openly, and respect themselves and their partner’s wishes along the way.

I’ve stood with survivors across the country, with President Obama and Vice President Biden at the launch of the It’s On Us campaign, and with Lady Gaga at the Academy awards to bring attention to sexual assault and rape. Will you take a stand against sexual assault and rape with us, too? Visit onlywithconsent.org to bring consent education to your community to make sure every person gets the education they need and deserve.

Vote For Your Favorite Kindness Cake Recipes and Designs

Posted on by Born This Way Foundation Team

http://youtu.be/RhQGHqE9IeU

Thank you to all of you who have celebrated these milestones with us! We have received such amazing cake recipes and designs. We feel so lucky to be surrounded by such inspirational individuals. We have reviewed all the submissions and now we need your help!

Please help us choose our Kindness Cake Bake Off semi-finalists by voting here.

As a reminder, the semi-finalists will have their recipes and designs made by Chef Travis at Joanne’s Trattoria for Cynthia and a panel of special judges! The winner in each category (recipe and design) of the Kindness Cake Bake Off will win a trip to New York City for an exciting announcement and the launch of the foundation’s 2016 Kindness Cakes.

Our polls will be open for a week; voting ends at midnight on April 19 so don’t forget to vote for your favorite cake Recipe or Design now! Be sure to invite all your friends and family members too. You can only vote once a day, so choose bravely.

Our polls are open, so VOTE now! 

 

We Believe

Posted on by Cynthia Germanotta

Four years ago this month, I stood hand in hand with my daughter on a stage in Boston to announce the launch of Born This Way Foundation. Our mission of building a kinder and braver world is still sound, and our strategy has evolved to focus on the wellness of young people by supporting research, relationships and real stories in our schools and communities. Our desire to empower and inspire young people and partner with them to build a kinder and braver world remains steadfast.

As I reflect on my time leading the foundation and the many young people I’ve had personal conversations with, I want to share what I’ve learned, the beliefs that shape our work each day and the conversations that my daughter, team and I are passionate about. Here’s what inspires us…

We believe in the power of young people, individually and collectively.

Because we believe in the power of young people, individually and collectively, we created the Born This Way Youth Advisory Board. Our work is guided by the feedback, input and stories of young people in both formal and informal ways and we look forward to finding more opportunities to integrate youth voice in all aspects of our programming and partnerships in the coming year. Over the last few years, we connected with more than 150,000 young people – face to face – in communities across the country and millions more online.

We believe in the necessity of convening young people – online and offline – to address their most pressing challenges.

Because we believe in the necessity of convening young people – online and offline – to address their most pressing challenges, we launched the Emotion Revolution. This past October, we brought together 400 people, including 200 young people and 200 teachers, funders, policy makers and non-profit organizations, to discuss how students currently feel in their schools and how they hope to feel. Through the Emotion Revolution and the ongoing work of our partners, we’re supporting young people as they demand an education that allows them to thrive, holistically.

We believe in the need and desire to put youth voice in the center of important conversations. the culture of community.

Because we believe in the need and desire to put youth voice in the center of important conversations, online and offline, we launched the #HackHarassment campaign in partnership with Intel, Vox Media and Re/Code to ensure that across digital platforms and in online communities, the values of kindness and bravery are being promoted and protected. Young people are communicating in unprecedented ways and there is so much potential to harness technology. Let’s join forces and work together to align this potential with the positivity we know promotes the ability to develop and thrive.

We believe in the value of listening and being listened to.

Because we belief in the value of listening and being listened to, we continue to collect Share Your Story testimonials from young people across the world. Thousands of young people have shared the challenges they face and the inspiring ways in which they’ve overcome those challenges. In the coming year, we plan to highlight some of those stories across platforms to learn from one another, support one another and shine a light on the brave young people that serve as examples to us all.

We believe in the generosity of our partners, and their deep commitment to collaboration.

Because we believe in (and have benefitted tremendously) from the generosity of our partners and their deep commitment to collaboration, we’re excited to launch a multi-year partnership with Mattel and Monster High to explore, encourage, and reward a culture of kindness and bravery online and in our schools. Lady Gaga believes it’s cool to be kind and we know the Ghouls of Monster High agree. We hope you’ll join us in this interactive exploration and pledge to be kinder to yourself and each other this year.

We believe that it’s okay for young people (or any one of us) to need help, and they should have access to quality resources to get that help, whatever it may be.

Because we believe that all of us need help, and we should know where to go to get that help, we’re partnering with leaders in the field of Social and Emotional Learning (SEL) and Mental Wellness in order to increase our investment in and awareness of online and offline help-seeking resources. Next month, we’ll launch the third iteration of our Born Brave Experiences Study and work to unearth research findings that move the field forward, provide resources to young people and strengthen our body of evidence to inform our future work.

And most importantly, my daughter and I want to share our strongest beliefs…

We believe that NOW more than ever is our moment to build a kinder and braver world.

We believe in YOU.

As a mother, I am reminded each day of the distance between the world we live in and the world that we want our children to live in. I have the painful privilege of hearing heart wrenching stories each day; the stories of families struggling with serious challenges, young people facing untold acts of meanness and cruelty on a daily basis, organizations that tackle urgent issues in our communities each day and do so with little to no resources or support. Fortunately, over the past four years, I’ve begun to see a change in these conversations and an impact from our collective work.

More and more, we’re hearing young people telling us that they’re overcoming their reluctance to seek mental health, due to exciting initiatives such as Mental Health First Aid and Crisis Text Line. A ground breaking group of school districts are collaborating and working with young people to build proactive, healthy communities to combat meanness and cruelty and promote social emotional learning with partners such as CASEL and Facebook’s newly launched InspirEd initiative. Innovative companies such as KIND and Mattel are launching campaigns that promote kindness and bravery by helping to support the work of like minded non-profits and individuals around the country and the world.

Born This Way Foundation wants to continue to be a part of the change that young people are leading; building a kinder and braver world and realizing the potential that lies within each of us. It is a privilege to do this work alongside you each day and on behalf of my daughter and the staff and partners of Born This Way Foundation, we thank you for a tremendous four years and for the promise of an even more exciting future.

All the best,

Cynthia

World Compliment Day

Posted on by Alexa Branco

March 1st marks “The Most Positive Day in the World”, World Compliment Day. Unlike Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, and Valentine’s Day, World Compliment Day is inclusive to all people. Its purpose is to “address the basic human need for recognition and appreciation”.

World Compliment Day’s official website reads that, “Nobody wins commercially, but everybody gains emotionally.” It is wonderful for there to be a special event dedicated to compliments, but such positive behavior should not be limited to one day alone. A simple, genuine compliment can brighten someone’s spirit, therefore we should make it an effort to be kind to one another everyday.

I have personally experienced the power of a compliment, with the greatest compliment I ever received coming from a high school classmate. She sat next to me in 10th grade, and one day turned and told me, “I like sitting next to you because you make me feel more confident.” Four years later and I still remember those words; not only did her words brighten my day, but it changed my outlook on life. As cheesy as it may sound, it reaffirmed to me that my actions were being recognized and to remain the outgoing person I was.

It is almost standard that when you see someone you ask them, “How are you?”, but rarely do we expect a true answer. It is much more common to simply reply “I’m well.” Genuinely asking how someone is can be as effective, if not more so, than a compliment. Too often do we ignore problems, and instead suffer in silence. Actually asking and caring about how someone is doing opens the door to emotional support and overall better mental health.

Professor Norihiro Sadato, professor at the National Institute for Physiological Sciences in Japan stated that, “We’ve been able to find scientific proof that a person performs better when they receive a social reward after completing an exercise.” If people function better when they are positively reinforced, think of all the work that could get done if more compliments were given.

Please, do not limit compliments to March 1st, but make an effort to spread positivity anytime you can. Tell your parents that you appreciate them or your friends that you care, and brighten their day, everyday.