Our Channel Kindness Tour is Coming to an End – But First We Need Your Help!

Our newest team member is an incredible young man from West Virginia named Alex. He has had a wide array of experiences in his thirty years, from passing the bar to working at one of the top talent agencies in Hollywood. He has been with us since the summer and integrated into tour life seamlessly, taking the lead in helping to plan our community events. As I write this, we’ve had more than 75 and Alex has been the spark that has created most of them.

He sits on the phone with nonprofits around the country and asks them, “what do you need?” and “how can we help?” and he hears about the tireless, often heartbreaking work that each of them do. He is professional, composed, and incredibly kind to each of them and I’m certain that they think more of our work because of their interaction with him.

A few months ago he texted me and asked, “Does it ever get easier to hear about all this need and not want to give everything you have to each person you talk to?” I texted, “No. Happily.”

Alex has donated significant amounts of his own money – quietly – to the organizations we have volunteered alongside and connected with many young people who I’m certain will be in his life for a long time to come.

I smiled when I received the text, so familiar with this mix of gratitude, pain, and helplessness. This feeling – the one that Alex recently discovered and the one that has fueled our team since we were founded almost six years ago – is the reason that I am writing to you today to ask you to participate in our year-end giving campaign which, for us, will be a different kind of fundraiser.

Instead of raising money to fund Born This Way Foundation, we’re truly putting our time, treasure, and talent to work to invest in organizations that have shown us their kinder and braver communities over the past five months.

We’ve served alongside dozens of nonprofits since we launched the Channel Kindness Tour on August 1, 2017 and, at each stop, we promised to amplify, support and invest in their work. We’ve donated toiletries, clothing, and other essential items; we’ve organized conversations already mental wellness with students and parents; we’ve collected thousands of thank you messages for first responders; and we’ve spent dozens of hours visiting, learning about, and volunteering with these incredible grassroots organizations.

We’ve done important work over the past five months, but we all feel the catalytic power of wanting to make the seemingly impossible, possible. Can you imagine a world in which the young people of Pridelines in Miami have the piano they have been wishing for or where YES in Omaha doesn’t have to worry about heating their shelter this winter?

We can imagine it and we invite you to help us build it today!

Born This Way Foundation will be donating all of the funds we raise from all of you between December 19th and January 19th to the nonprofit organizations – more than 30 so far! – who have agreed to participate in this experiment. Check out the list below to learn more about their urgent work and how your donation will help. 

I hope Alex always sends me texts after emotional days and I hope that, with each new team member, we get closer to filling the unmet needs of young people, youth advocates, and community organizations.

Please check out the Channel Kindness Tour page for more on what we’ve done on tour, and join us in supporting these incredible nonprofits today!

Maya

Advocates for Youth: Funds provided to Advocates for Youth will help advance programs that uplift young people to create social and political change. Advocates for Youth provides youth activists from marginalized communities with networking opportunities, in person and virtual training, and technical assistance, creating a pipeline of diverse young leaders who champion program strategies that improve youth sexual health. From fighting gender-based violence on college campuses to increasing awareness about safe abortion services to expanding access to contraception to advocating against discriminatory immigration and anti-LGBTQ laws, Advocates’ youth leaders are leveraging their voices to make a difference in young people’s lives.

Aging Up: Aging UP was founded to empower youth from foster care to grow into happy, healthy, self-sufficient adults. Through one-to-one mentoring, positive recreation, and independent living skills education, that future can become a reality! Our first cohort of 10 mentoring matches has just begun. With an additional $35,000 we could double the number of youth served in 2018. The funds from this campaign will support recruiting, screening, and training 10 additional adult mentors who will be matched with 10 new youth. All participants will also benefit from recreational and educational group outings, which offer stigma-free environments.

ArtMix: At ArtMix, our tagline is “art redefining disability” because the arts allow people with disabilities to be defined by their ability, not just their disability. Our Community Arts Classes serve all ages and abilities at a cost of $160 per person per 8-week session. With more than 85% of our students at or below the poverty level, most can pay only $20 per session. You can help bridge the gap! A gift to ArtMix will help more people with disabilities have access to the transformative power of the arts. Thank you!

Beverly’s Birthdays: Beverly’s Birthdays spreads birthday cheer 365 days a year. Every day, through our five programs, we are able to recognize 50 birthdays. We are always in need of funding to help support on-going birthday presents, parties, and most importantly, the creation of special birthday memories.

Bo’s Place: Bo’s Place delivers a variety of grief support groups for families, which begin with pre-group potluck meals provided by the families. Funding will go toward pre-group meals being provided by Bo’s Place during this time of recovery for our community. $500 will help provide a pre-group meal for a grief support group at Bo’s Place. In the wake of Hurricane Harvey, Bo’s Place has been providing the meals, which were previously pot-luck style, where each family brought items to share. This effort removes the burden and stress of paying for and picking up meal items from the families who have not only experienced distress associated with the death of someone they love but also the collective community trauma of Hurricane Harvey and its aftermath.

CitySquare: Annually, CitySquare’s TRAC Program serves nearly 900 youth (age 16-24). Many identify as LGBTQ. Our youth are disproportionately at risk for unemployment, dropping out of school, homelessness, and involvement in the criminal justice system. TRAC serves as the one-stop opportunity hub for youth as they transition into adulthood. We offer crisis intervention, life skills training, workforce development, housing, and a drop-in resource center in Dallas/Fort Worth. We may lose federal funding for permanent supportive housing for homeless, disabled youth but remain committed to providing this program. We need community support now more than ever to keep our youth housed.

Common Threads: Funding for Common Threads would support our ability to deepen the impact we have on children, families, schools and community organizations in our current service markets. We would like to expand the depth of programming we are able to offer for each of our schools and community partners with hands-on cooking classes, grocery stores and professional development for teachers, school nurses, and social workers to build a school and community culture that values health and wellness and prioritizes nutrition as a means for empowering children to succeed in and outside of the classroom.

Cool Girls: Funding would go to provide opportunities for our girls in our Girls Club program. The Cool Girls Club is a weekly after-school program for girls in 2nd to 8th grade. Our programs provide academic support, life-skills development, physical fitness and nutrition programs and exposure to STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math). Students are taught by volunteers, staff and school personnel, on topics impacting girls like puberty, self-esteem and conflict resolution. The funding would provide girls with additional resources in Girls Club as well opportunities for field trips surrounding social, cultural and educational experiences.

Downtown Eastside Women’s Centre: The DEWC kitchen serves one of the busiest women’s centers in Canada, feeding 500 women and children daily at two locations. Funds raised would help provide women a day’s access to a hot meal, safe space, and support services, access to a daily hot meal, safe space, and support services, chicken dinner at our drop-in center, and a holiday meal for our constituents. Food plays an important role in engaging people in community-based programming and is a powerful tool for achieving social objectives, creating a bridge to accessing a wide range of vital services. This is our most important, yet underfunded, program.

Elizabeth Fry Society of Greater Vancouver: Through our Saturday Club, EFy gives children aged six to 16 with incarcerated parents a safe, fun place to spend a weekend day enjoying friends, nutritious food, and activities. Since Saturday Club kids come from extremely low-income families, it is offered below cost at $2 daily and free to those who cannot afford that. We also include bus tickets so affording transportation isn’t a barrier. Saturday Club is possible solely thanks to donations, which are gratefully accepted in any amount. A gift of $12 pays to send a child to Saturday Club for a day; $20 adds four new books to the library; $50 buys educational toys and art supplies, and $100 enables four children to enjoy a special outing normally out of reach, such as the science centre, aquarium or planetarium (includes transportation, snacks, and lunch).

Exploring The Arts: ETA’s after-school Apprenticeship Program places 11 th and 12 th graders as paid interns in one-to- one mentorship with professionals at arts and culture organizations. Students receive arts training, participate on office projects, attend shows, and form transformative relationships with college-educated adults working in their field of interest. Funding raised by the Born This Way Foundation on ETA’s behalf would support apprenticeship placements for our teens living in East and South L.A., enabling them to develop their artistry, hone new skills, and pursue their dreams of college and career.

Family Scholar House: This funding would go towards purchasing art supplies for our Art Therapy program, as well as materials for our workshops focused on self-esteem and confidence building. 100% of our families have experienced homelessness or unstable housing and 95% are survivors of domestic violence. Working to create healthy outlets and relationships is vital in helping our families heal on their journey to being fully self-sufficient.

Give Something Back Foundation: Give Back Scholars, who include foster youth and children of incarcerated parents, are always in need of consistent mentorship and academic support. Any funds contributed will go to college readiness programming and scholar case management of over 437 high school students across 7 states.

Green Our Planet: While GoP has built more than 120 school gardens, we have a waiting list of 70 schools hoping for their very own garden. Most of these schools are low-income, Title 1, where more than 40% of students receive free or reduced-price lunch. Therefore, it is difficult for these schools to raise money to get their garden program started. Any funds generously given by the Born This Way Foundation would go directly toward building a garden at a Title 1 school in Las Vegas. Funds would support the garden build and access to GoP’s full program, described here: http://www.greenourplanet.org/inert/schoolgardens/

Healing with Horses: Our at-risk youth client base has doubled in the last six months. These clients experience huge behavioral improvements at the ranch. We developed our Strides to Achieve Family Engagement (SAFE) program to engage their parents/caregivers so they experience the learning, witness the growth, and establish the consistency to maintain these improvements at home. It is our goal to offer this service to 30 families free of charge in the next year which will cost ~$100,000 to cover instructor, horse, and facility expenses.

Indiana Youth Group: The Indiana Youth Group homelessness initiative is a new program that encompasses a food pantry, clothes closet (SWAP), transportation assistance, expanded health care options at the center as well as opening a 14-bed homeless shelter for LGBTQ youth of central Indiana. This program not only benefits the youth hardest hit by homelessness but also all the youth that come to the center that could use any of these services. A donation of $100 we can house feed and provide access to healthcare for a youth for one day.

Khloe Kares: Even at the young age of 10 Khloe Thompson is extremely motivated to help other kids in less fortunate situations. For 2018, she plans to launch workshops and seminars to empower kids who are homeless or living in shelters. These workshops include coding, business plans, self-confidence, vision board experience and a full-on leadership conference for kids. Khloe Thompson has taken all the knowledge and information she has learned and put a workshop together to inspire kids who are homeless and in living shelters. Khloe believes if you empower kids at a young age they will be able to overcome anything!

These workshops will be quarterly, so in 2018 we will have 4 workshops. For each workshop, we need $7,000 for materials, breakfast/lunch, computer rentals, instructors for coding, entertainment (speaker), sound equipment, projector, games, a location or space.

Kids’ Food Basket: Through our Sack Supper program, nearly 7,500 students in West Michigan receive a nutritious evening meal each weeknight so they can succeed in school and in life. We are a 100% charitably funded organization and rely on the generosity of this community to ensure we can sustain these critical services. Every dollar gifted provides one child with a Sack Supper.

Los Angeles LGBT Center: Since 1969, the Los Angeles LGBT Center has been championing the needs of LGBT people in Los Angeles and beyond. We proudly provide more services for LGBT people than any other organization in the world with programs spanning four broad categories: Health, Social Services & Housing, Culture & Education, and Leadership & Advocacy. We are an unstoppable force in the fight against bigotry and the struggle to build a world where all LGBT people can be healthy, equal and complete members of society. The Center has always been committed to fighting for the most vulnerable within the diverse LGBT community.

Martha’s Table: One in three households with children in D.C. lacks access to healthy food. Your donation will support our food programs, which bring increased access to fresh fruits and vegetables to families throughout our nation’s capital. Just $7 can buy a bag of groceries–the equivalent of more than 15 healthy meals!

Mental Health America of the Heartland: Adolescents Never Suicide When Everyone Responds provides classroom sessions to 5,000 students/year, teaching warning signs of suicide and mental health disorders; encouraging reaching out for help; identifying an adult to whom they can turn; and providing instruction and resources to help a suicidal person. Results: over 95% of students would seek help for suicidal feelings, up from 60-70%. Our impact is critical–2/3 of students think that suicide is a problem in their school, 1/2 knew someone who had attempted or died by suicide, and 1 in 4 are confronted with issues relating to mental health and suicide.

Mile High Youth Corps: Support would allow Mile High Youth Corps to provide 200 youth ages 16-24 with comprehensive programs that integrate paid work experience on community service projects in areas of land conservation, energy & water conservation, construction of low-income housing and health and wellness programs. In addition to the work experience, youth learn skills around leadership development, career readiness, and education. Youth work in neighborhoods, public parks and open spaces throughout Metro Denver and the Southern Front Range of Colorado.

Minnesota Alliance With Youth: Support for the Minnesota Youth Council in the amount of $2,500 would allow us to convene all of the youth leaders from across the state of Minnesota at an in-person retreat, providing them with the opportunity to receive training, create strategies, and share skills and information to support their work in education and policy. The 36 Minnesota Youth Council members, middle and high schoolers from across Minnesota, work towards a state where no decision is made about them without them. MYC members serve on student-led Policy and Education committees to exercise their voice and spread their ideas across the state of Minnesota. Through their work at the state legislature, the MYC acts as a voice for youth to the legislature and the governor.

New American Pathways: New American Pathways’ Young Women’s Leadership Program, designed to engage high-school refugee girls, integrates individual mentoring, life skills workshops, and targeted academic and social-emotional support to help girls stay in school and to provide a foundation for college and career, financial self-sufficiency, and community leadership. Research shows that girls who receive targeted interventions are more likely to make healthy decisions, graduate from high school, pursue post-secondary education, and become economically successful adults. With $2,500 raised, we can put one young woman through our program for a year. To date, 100% of our YWLP graduates have gone on to college!

PrideLines: Miami’s LGBTQ Community Center is in dire need of a passenger van with removable seats to transport LGBTQ youth experiencing homelessness or other crises and to provide confidential, mobile HIV/STI testing in Miami (which has the highest rate of new infections in the country). Our youth lounge needs a working A/C system, six new computers, and six rollaway beds. Additionally, youth who participate in our weekly Queer Arts program continue to express a desire for an in-house piano. Studies show that youth exposed to art programs not only get better grades in school, but also demonstrate increased self-confidence. Lastly, for those willing to make a monetary donation, we still need to raise $27,000 toward our 2018 Project SAFE budget to continue providing these lifesaving support services.

Resource Center: Resource Center’s most immediate need is funding to continue and expand our social programs that serve the LGBTQ community including Youth First, Gray Pride, GenderBrave and Women with Pride. The Center, through its family and community services, provides vital services and programs of interest that embrace, enhance and nurture the particular needs of our community.

Street Teens: Street Teens would use the funds to purchase much needed direct services for our clients such as bus passes, backpacks, clothing, food and hygiene items. Many of our youth come to us with nothing other than the clothing on their backs. We do everything we can to meet these needs and more but we cannot do it without your help.

The Kindness Campaign: Our greatest need is to support bringing the curriculum into schools. It costs $750 to support the curriculum in one school for one year, and $30,000 – $60,000 to support the curriculum in all elementary schools within a district. 100% of the funds raised in partnership with Born This Way Foundation will go directly to supporting the curriculum in schools.

The SPOT: Our greatest needs include those items that we cannot fund or fully fund through our grants-based programming. These include contraception, youth hygiene/clothing items (i.e., deodorant, bras, underwear), bus tickets, gift cards (for youth to purchase prescriptions, job interview clothing, food). Additionally, we are in need of a new building since we have outgrown our current space and need more space to expand our services. Funding will be needed to outfit an increased number of exam rooms with medical equipment, such as exam tables, and expand the capacity of the drop in activity space (i.e., more youth computers, meals/snacks, activity supplies).

United Way Bay Area: Funds will go towards supporting UWBA’s youth empowerment program, Mayor’s Youth Jobs+ which helps youth and young adults stay in school, identify their interests, and find a path to well-paying jobs and internships. From resume help and mock interviews to job training and placement, we work with local government, businesses, and nonprofits to empower struggling youth to build brighter futures.

Urban Roots: Every year, Urban Roots provides paid leadership development opportunities for Austin’s youth to work on our 3.5 acre urban farm and grow over 30,000 pounds of food to help nourish the community. This season celebrates Urban Roots’ 10th year, and with your help, we will provide $125,000 to over 70 youth interns in the form of paid stipends. Cultivating a safe space for youth to work for pay, develop as empowered leaders, and serve the community, your contribution creates an incredible impact lasting far beyond a youth’s time with Urban Roots.

Women of the World: Together, Women of the World and the Born This Way Foundation can make a meaningful impact on closing the gender wage gap in Utah by expanding our Job-to-Career Occupational Training. In Utah, women are paid 71 cents for every dollar paid to men. This gap is even larger for non-white women. Unfortunately, our female clients, as marginalized members of the community, experience some of the extreme aspects of the gender wage gap. Our measurable program outcomes will help move toward equal pay for equal work, and contribute to a sustainable, favorable shift in the gender wage gap. $50 secures the customized services to help one woman gain employment, improve to a career, or gain entry into college.

Youth Emergency Services: For 43 years, YES has been the sole organization in Omaha supporting homeless youth, helping to meet their immediate needs of shelter, food, and safety while teaching them essential life skills for a successful adulthood. With your help, $10,000 would allow us to expand our outreach program to provide services to our youth on Saturdays, $100,000 would allow us to double the number of beds at our Emergency Shelter and $1,000 would heat our shelter for two months. Funds would be used to sustain YES’ emergency shelter and longer-term housing.

Youth Futures: Youth Futures is bursting at the seams. Our shelter is frequently at capacity. We are frequently in the process of purchasing the building next door. This will allow us to open a new drop-in center and move our offices so we can open up more beds in our current shelter helping us to avoid having to turn away homeless youth. We are going to need funding along with many items to get the new center up and running in January as scheduled. We are in need of printers, computers, furniture, iPads, a large TV, a DVD player, game systems, and of course money to help offset the mortgage of our building. Thank you so much for all you are doing to help our youth!

Youth Mental Health Association: The Youth Mental Health Association (YMHA) aims to engage and develop youth so that they can be our leaders in innovating for a future with better mental health care for all. Destigmatisation of mental illness, mentorship, and network building are all within our scope to make the youth we engage leaders in community engagement, technology, art, and policy development. Together, let’s rethink mental illness.

I lived in Washington DC for eight years and worked in an office in the heart of K Street, surrounded by high powered lobbyists and stressed international officials, juggling the future of our country in their hands. They went to Starbucks a lot, and I did too – though my contributions to the world at my small nonprofit felt a little less significant.

I would stand in line with these expensive suits and watch them whisper order, with their hands over their cell phones in mid-conversation, and not even so much as nod an acknowledgment to the person behind the cash register. One particularly hectic morning I asked the cheerful barista how she felt about being constantly ignored, trying to empathize with her about the rudeness of this batch of early morning customers. She smiled and me and said, “Sweetheart, I am too blessed to be stressed.”

Her actions every morning and her powerful mantra were reminders that gratefulness was a choice. In the face of rudeness, fear, and even tragedy, counting your blessings and showing compassion for others is a powerful choice.

My life and my family – like everyone’s – has its share of pain, uncertainty, and anger. Some days, it’s just your garden variety low-level discord. Other days it feels so overwhelming that I’m not sure how to open my computer and write to you about kindness and bravery.

Today, and every other day, I want to talk seriously about gratitude and invite you to count your blessings. Gratitude and thankfulness are powerful positive forces. They’re scientifically proven to improve your life!

Robert Emmons, Ph.D. (who has the coolest job ever) researches gratitude and studies the link between gratitude and mental and physical wellbeing. His research found that a practice of gratitude helps combat toxic emotions. Overall it helps increase happiness and reduces depression.

Gratitude also improves your resilience and allows you to respond with kindness. In a 2012 study by the University of Kentucky, participants who ranked higher on gratitude scales were less likely to lash out against others, even when they were given negative feedback. Overall they experienced more sensitivity and empathy toward others.

I am grateful that my job means reading articles about gratitude. I am grateful that I get to sit at Starbucks and literally count my blessings. I am grateful that my heart swells a little bit as I write this blog. I am grateful that our work calls for kindness and compassion.

I love November because it is a month dedicated to thankfulness. This month I’m giving thanks for you. To be a part of a community like this, with people like you, is an incredible gift. Your support and advocacy mean the world to me and my team. If this work matters to you and you would like to say thank you, you can make a donation today.

Together let’s face the world with a little more patience, compassion, kindness, and thankfulness.

Yesterday, I sat down for dinner with Alex after an incredible, but long day in Indianapolis. I ordered three tacos, ate them at lightning speed and then asked the waiter to surprise me with a fourth taco of his choice. As he walked away from our table, he said “You came ready to eat today, huh?” I wanted to be insulted but I wasn’t, because he was right. I was starving, and I had come to Indianapolis ready to ask every single person I met for their restaurant recommendations and to share kindness. I ate well and had one of the best days yet on tour. I’ll spare you the former, and go into detail on the latter.

In Indianapolis, Bankers Fieldhouse sent a note to all concert goers inviting them to bring feminine hygiene products to donate to a local drive organized by our amazing Channel Kindness Award winner Taylor (more on that in a minute). I wanted to do my part, so I flew from California to Indiana with a suitcase full of tampons and when I woke up yesterday morning, I stuffed them all in bags and headed off to a day full of kindness.

My first stop – obviously – was Starbucks and as I was called to the cash register to place my order, I realized that my wallet was under a mountain of tampons. I took out each box, one by one, and stacked them on the counter in front of me, even asking the businessman behind me to hold one, so I could reach my wallet. I ordered my Starbucks, shared the statistic that, on average, a woman pays $7 per month for 40 years for these boxes, a privilege that many people cannot afford, and started my day.

At the hotel, an old, but Millennial, friend of mine picked us up at our hotel and brought us to an incredible space called the Alexander Hotel. Derrick Feldmann, from ACHIEVE Agency, had taken it upon himself to check out the Lady Gaga tour dates and sent me a note about coming to town. Too often, when friends email me, I have to give them the honest excuse that I’m in town for twelve hours and as much as I’d love to see them, I have a packed schedule. Derrick didn’t want to see me (or at least, not only see me), he wanted to be part of that packed schedule.

He and the incredible team from the Buckingham Foundation hosted an early morning conversation on kindness, mental wellness and the intersection of the two in building resilient communities. There is nothing I like more than starting my Mondays with coffee, friends and kindness and I am grateful to Derrick for providing all three.

From there, we went to IUPUI to meet Channel Kindness Award winner Taylor Parker and add my tampons to the more than 6,700 other ones that Taylor had collected the night before from Little Monsters at the show.

The room in the Multicultural Center was buzzing with activity and overflowing with products and clothing donations. In the center of this happy chaos was Taylor – the vice president of IUPUI’s LGBTQ+ Center. Taylor was surrounded by a group of friends, waiting for her direction and each time she turned her back, remarking on how incredible she was, how amazing this event was and how grateful they were to be her friend.

One young woman called Taylor a “national treasure” and another shared the impact that Taylor had had on her life. There is no shortage of inspiring, one of a kind young people in my life and for that, I am so grateful. These young people – every single day – make me feel confident in our future, grateful for their leadership and vision and hopeful for my children. Taylor was all of those things but I also felt something I have only felt a handful of times in my life – the urge to be quiet. The urge to watch someone because I could feel that somehow, in the study of another person, I would learn how to become a better human being.

Each person that walked into that room (which Taylor wanted me to make sure I told you, was a room and a campaign organized by all queer women), was greeted with a smile, and a hug and a personal question by Taylor. The question wasn’t “how are you?” or “how’s your day?” Instead, she would ask, “I know you have that ASA meeting tonight, do you have a way to get there? I know your class ends at 8:15 PM. Can I come get you and drive you to the meeting?”

It’s as though Taylor knew what each person needed and instead of asking the surface questions that we all spend way too much time on, she cut through that and offered to meet an unmet, sometimes unknown, need. She didn’t have things to give other people, which implies privilege, she simply existed to help others thrive and was willing (and committed) to using everything she had for other people – her voice, her tampons, her conference room and her life.

The selfless, urgent giving spirit was echoed throughout each one of our interactions in Indianapolis yesterday. We had the opportunity to sit down with the staff for the Indiana Youth Group, who shared excitedly about their new space, their ambitious capital campaign and the crises that they deal with every day, as they work to make Indiana a more safe, inclusive and welcoming space for young people. We heard it again at ArtMix, where art builds community and erases difference, and there’s no such thing as a disability.

My husband is the best person I know. I throw that fact out in part because I’m traveling pretty much non-stop for the next five months and I want to find any opportunity to recognize the incredible sacrifice he’s making for our family in the name of kindness and our work at Born This Way Foundation, and in part because he’s the one with whom I’ve been processing the stories I’ve heard in these first weeks of tour.

Every night, at an odd hour, I call Dave to tell him about my day and hear about his day and the days of our two children. Last night, I spoke uninterrupted for 27 minutes and told him story after story of young people; stopping me at the concert, coming to the foundation kindness pop up and in the halls of local organizations.

There was Dr. Olson at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles (CHLA) – a force of nature and a powerful, vocal advocate on behalf of transgender young people – sat with us for an hour and told us story after story of the young people that she sees, their challenges and their incredible resilience. She told us the story of a mom whose daughter, assigned male at birth, came to her and shared that she was ready to claim her true identity and begin the transition. This woman, unsure of how to navigate the conversation, flippantly told her that she had a penchant for changing her mind about musical preferences and friends at school, and insinuated that she would most likely do the same with her gender declaration.

This was the first of many accidentally dismissive conversations that ended at the side of train tracks when this little girl threw herself in front of a moving train. I stopped breathing for what felt like an hour at the thought of losing a child in this devastating way, but Dr. Olson continued. This little girl’s mother had unwillingly become a voice for transgender young people and their families and each time she speaks, she says that she’d given anything to be in a support group for parents, learning to support their transgender child but instead, she’s part of a support group for parents whose children have died by suicide.

Later that day, we visited CHLA’s Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU). I’ve known of many music therapy programs and have been told about the ability of music to heal but I saw it firsthand at the bedside of an infant in the NICU that was born as a micro-preemie, born at just 24 weeks. I’ve spent time in the maternity ward of hospitals, having my own children and welcoming many other babies into the world. I look at this beautiful baby, just slightly bigger than my clenched fist, from behind the glass incubator that she laid in, hooked up to wires, monitors, and other devices that helped her little body rest and gain strength as she continued to fight for her life. Her heart rate had sped up and music therapy had been prescribed, so I walked into her dark, high-tech room with a young girl who had studied performance arts but decided instead to use her incredible talent to pursue a life of giving back.

She stood next to the incubator and began to strum a few chords on her guitar, watching the vital signs for a response. They remained steady and she added a low, quiet hum. I gripped the sink behind me and cried as quietly as I could as I watched the beeps and pings on the monitor machine steady and her heart rate come back into a safe zone. It would be some time until her family could hold her, comfort her, and bond with her so this music, the stimulation that it provided her rapidly developing brain and the calming effect it had on her was nothing short of miraculous.

I have been transformed by this work, by the stories that I hear and by the young people and youth advocates that I have met in this first week of the tour. I am thirty-three years old and I’ve had a more adventure, love, and kindness filled life that I can ever imagine and beyond being Dave’s wife and Hunter and Logan’s mom, the greatest privilege of my life will be the opportunity to bear witness to the strength, passion, heartache, resilience, compassion, and trauma of a generation.

My personal transformation, however significant for the Smith family, is not enough. It’s not enough for me, and it’s not enough for you. Through this blog, I’d like to struggle together on what we will do with these stories, what we will not do because of these stories and what we owe the young people brave enough to let their pain, and their joy, transform.

So, today my life is different because:

• I now know about the concept of gender noise, and the deafening roar that it creates for a young person seeking to become their authentic selves and live in a world in which they are acknowledged and hopefully, welcomed.
• I am convinced of the healing power of music, word, mindfulness and our brain’s own ability to calm and restore itself.
• And most of all, I remain steadfast in my belief that there is tremendous power in shining a light on those that are doing right and doing good. That their example can serve as fuel to inspire the rest of us to use our time, resources, and talents, to do the same.

Yesterday, I took a 22 hour trip to Minneapolis. Tomorrow, I’m headed to Chicago for a hot minute. I come home as often as I can to have a rare breakfast with my children and more often than not, just kiss them while they’re peacefully sleeping. I didn’t plan to come home as often as I have these first three weeks and I know that once we get east of the Mississippi, I won’t be able to. However, the past 24 hours of parenting are a reminder for why the long flights are worth it, and why our work at Born This Way Foundation is so urgent.

In Minneapolis, I sat on a tattered couch in a local non-profit organization, meeting with a group of incredible young people who had come to this safe, inclusive space from experiences in neglect, addiction, and violence. One young woman quietly told me about her journey; she had left home at the suggestion of a family member due to the physical, emotional, and mental abuse. At a young age, and at the urging of a concerned family member, she ran away from home because the uncertain was safer than her everyday life. This was her first week in safety. In the hallway of this non-profit on my way out I found this poster and stopped to read, photograph and reflect on the last line; “Spend time with your children – they are wonderful people.” This quiet, stylish, well spoken little girl in the game room was a wonderful person and deserved to be respected, loved, appreciated and listened to. We all do.

In St. Paul, I stood on the outskirts of the crowd that was gathering at the foundation booth in the main concourse. I love just standing in the middle of it, remembering our first tour when people would walk by and ask who we were, why we were there and if we were giving away any free things. Now, people run to our booth. They take selfies in front of it. They stand in line to talk kindness. I just like to stand right in the middle of it and say hi to strangers, sometimes have a little cry and point people towards the photo booth. Last night, a mother and her incredibly well dressed son stood in line. He was eager to move on and get in line for the merchandise and get to their seats. She said, “Sweetie, I want to thank them. Please just wait.” If you know me, I love inserting myself into conversations so I tapped her on the shoulder and I said, “Hi, I’m Maya. Are you waiting to talk to someone from the foundation?” I never tell anyone who I am, so I just told her I was happy to share a message but she recognized us and knew that we had met with the Mayor of St. Paul earlier in the day. She happily said, “Yes, I just wanted to thank you for the work of the foundation and for all that you’ve done for our family and for so many others.” We chatted, and she handed me a note that said, “As a mother of a child who has lived in drag since he was two years old, I was always looking for a community that he could be part of. He was 10 years old when he went to his first Lady Gaga concert. The foundation played a video before the concert. During the video, he looked at me and said, pointing at the screen “that’s me.” He was referencing being part of the LGBT community. On that day, he found a voice he hadn’t had before.”

Then this morning, back in California, I had the worst kind of conversation. The type of conversation that hopefully that young woman in Minneapolis will be spared from, with the support of this incredible non-profit. The conversation that this supportive, accepting mother in St. Paul has avoided through her kindness and love. I spoke to a father who lost his daughter to suicide after years of her struggle with multiple personality disorder. After her death, he found her writing and asked to share it with us. He too has turned to writing to heal and connect him to the feelings and experiences that his daughter shared in her journals. He spoke about her fondly and started, “She is..” (long pause) “She was a better writer than I am.”

Sometimes I start to write and I don’t know why I’m telling you these stories and I’m not sure what I’m going to do with them in my mental library. Personally, I’m going to fly home for breakfast as often as I can and work all day every day to be able to tell you stories of days where each of my conversations were affirming, resilient, kind ones. I don’t wish for easy conversations, though. As I crawled into bed last night at 1 AM, my husband sleepily asked me how I was feeling. I answered, “I’m wrecked.” I could tell he wasn’t expecting that answer and tried to wake himself up to discuss, but I continued; “This is how I want to feel. I think something really incredible is going to come from this.” So, I’ll hold the stories and tell you the stories and together, we’ll find a way forward for these incredible young people in a kinder, braver world.