A Star Is Born and #Someone2Turn2

My colleague and I were in a taxi a few days ago and she was reading a text off my phone. Looking at the number at the top left of the screen, she incredulously asked, “How do you have 13 unread text messages?” I have 13 unread text messages – at least – a voicemail that no longer has space for any more messages (I’m sorry, parents), and every time I see a friend, one of my kid’s teachers, a Starbucks barista who knows what I do, a colleague, a neighbor, or a chatty Lyft driver, they ask me about A Star Is Born.

Through every method of communication available, everyone who has seen people A Star Is Born is talking to me – and everyone else they know – about it. They’re talking about the breathtaking acting and the powerful singing, but they’re also talking about the very human experiences reflected in the story – the struggle, and the pain, and the love.

Since the movie premiered, I’d have the same conversation over and over again. And by conversation, I mean I’ve listened, as the people in my life, online and offline, have been sparked by something they saw on that screen. They’re using it as an invitation to say things they normally wouldn’t – that they’re in pain, that they struggle with addiction, that they have challenging family relationships, that they aren’t sure that they have the strength to live another day.

These are conversations that I am accustomed to and ones that I personally experience myself, but for the past six years at Born This Way Foundation, I’ve seen how these conversations still tend to happen in quiet, hidden ways. When I am invited to give a speech on kindness, without fail the result is a raucous and energetic conversation, with audience members participating actively and loudly. When I am invited to give a speech on mental health, without fail the room is more hushed, with a somber line of people waiting for me along the edges of the room, ready to whisper heartbreaking stories and ask painful questions.

I dream of a world in which the mother who needs advice on a son that is self-harming can raise her hand, speak her truth, and be met by the same kind of affirmation and praise as the mother that started a kindness campaign at her son’s elementary school.

The brave confrontation of sacrifice, addiction, and loss in A Star Is Born has helped bring those conversations into the light. There’s a line in the movie that, if I could, I would get tattooed on my body, spoken by Bradley Cooper’s Jackson Maine to Lady Gaga’s Ally: ‘Talent is everywhere. Everyone in this bar is talented in something or the other. But some few people, few people, have a story to tell that the whole world needs to hear. You have a story.’

I answer every question that I’m asked – whether about kindness or mental health – to include a recognition that telling one’s story, in and of itself, is powerful. That asking the question, saying it out loud or writing it down, is so, so brave.

We want more stories, we want more connections, we want more young people that are certain that the world needs their unique contribution, individual voice, and bright light. That’s why Born This Way Foundation launched the #Someone2Turn2 Challenge to foster healthy conversations about mental wellness.

#Someone2Turn2 asks you to have a real, honest, and open discussion about mental health this October with a person you turn to when you need support, and then share who your #Someone2Turn2 is on social media, reminding ourselves and each other that the only way we’ll get through it all is together.

Join us today – get started by taking the pledge here: bornthisway.foundation/someone2turn2.

Today’s blog discusses suicide which may be triggering to survivors or to the family and/or friends of victims. If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, please seek help. You can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 24 hours a day or reach out to one of the other resources listed below for assistance.

My first language was Romanian and if you’ve every heard Romanian spoken, you’ve probably giggled. I often ask my own children not to talk about various bodily functions during mealtime and as they’ve learned more Romanian, they’ve found a work around. “Te poop” means “I kiss you” in Romanian and when I was younger, I would get horrified looks from strangers as I told my mom “fac o” (pronounced exactly how you’d think it would be, to get horrified looks from strangers) which means “I’ll do it.” This is a long preface, intended to tell you that when I was younger, I was allowed to curse. What was a curse word in one language, was a way to listen or show affection in another so my mother would tell me they were just words and what mattered was that how I used them. And, if I dropped too many F bombs in a day, she’d tell me I was getting lazy and ask me to consult a thesaurus and expand my vocabulary.

In middle school, I mentioned to her that my friend Karen had tried a cigarette and she pulled out a pack of Virginia Slims and told me to go to the backyard and try it and to let her know if I needed help. I didn’t like it and, somehow, the act of rebelling against your parents by smoking in an alley wasn’t so cool when it was your mom throwing you the cigarettes in your suburban backyard as the testing ground.

My mother was a psychologist and I was her finest case study. Her unorthodox parenting wasn’t always right, but it was always open, honest, and inviting of conversation and truth.

When I was thirteen, I did something truly mean to my little brother – I don’t remember what it was – but I remember that it was bad and I probably still owe him an apology. My punishment was that I couldn’t go to Ricky’s bar mitzvah and I was devastated, sure that I’d be erased from the social scene immediately. My mom calmly handed down the punishment and I went into hysterics. Through sobs I said, “If I can’t go to Ricky’s, I will kill myself.”

Her body straightened; her face – which was previously soft and calm – got rigid and severe. She grabbed my shoulders firmly and she looked at me and said, “Maya, never again. You will never again say that. You can have every reaction you want in the world. You can hate me, for the rest of your life, but you will never again say those words. Your life is precious, it will be hard and I will be here, and you will live it.”

I was stunned into silence. I was allowed to curse at the dinner table and try a cigarette in the family’s backyard. I told my mom about every boy I kissed and, later in my life, she’d be my confidant in much more serious and urgent issues. But, this one time, I had gone too far. In 34 years, jokingly or otherwise, I’ve only said those words one time.

When I was a teenager, one of my closest friends attempted suicide and was sent away to get help. In my twenties, my boyfriend (now, my husband) lost his father to suicide and I walked along that journey with his family and, one day, I’ll have to tell my children how their Gramps died. I give speeches about mental wellness and people line up in the corners of the room to whisper to me that they too have attempted to harm themselves or that they are desperate to get help – for a loved one or for themselves.

What I’ve learned from my work, and my life, boils down to what my mom told me when I sat on my bed instead of dancing the night away at Ricky’s bar mitzvah: your struggles are real and they’ll be devastating but your life is precious and the world needs you. I need you.

Today, the world lost Kate Spade, but we also lost dozens more. Each day, according to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, we lose approximately 123 people to suicide. If you know someone who is struggling, share the resources below and tell them how much they mean to you. If you’re struggling and clicking on another link is not what you’re in the mood to do, just know that on behalf of the team at Born This Way Foundation, including our fearless leader Lady Gaga, we need you. We need your light, your voice, your spirit, and your fight.

• Get Help Now Resources: https://bornthisway.foundation/get-help-now/
• Suicide Prevention Center Hotline: (800) 273-8255
• Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 in the United States
• American Foundation for Suicide Prevention: https://afsp.org/find-support/

Here’s to Strong Women;
May We Know Them
May We Be Them
May We Raise Them

This sign hangs in my two-year-old daughter’s room, and while she can’t read the words yet – they shape how I talk to her, how I talk about her, how I show up for my community and I lead at Born This Way Foundation. I am grateful to be surrounded by incredible women every day and as we celebrate Women’s History Month and the sixth anniversary of Born This Way Foundation, I’m proud to share the launch of #BTWFHerstory.

Born This Way Foundation was a vision and a movement born from the incredible bond of a mother and a daughter, and the fierce urgency of building a kind and brave world. Since our founding in 2012, we’ve made significant strides advocating for kindness and raising awareness about mental wellness. And through it all, we have been surrounded and guided by intelligent, dedicated, and kind women. This month, we’re highlighting some of these special women (including my two-year-old daughter!) who helped grow our work into what it is today.

We are kicking off #BTWFHerstory Month by featuring one of the women who started it all, our co-founder, Cynthia Germanotta. Cynthia is a mentor and friend of mine and to so many, her graceful, selfless leadership and vision for the world guides our work every day. Please join me in celebrating Cynthia for her leadership, her willingness to share her family – the challenges and the successes – with the world, in service to building a kinder and braver world.

Stay tuned throughout the month of March as we share about an inspirational woman every day. We are so excited to honor those who guide our mission and work to build a better world, for and with the mothers, daughters, friends, neighbors and colleagues.

Please use this month – and every other month – as an opportunity to celebrate the special women in your own life! We encourage you to share with friends and family using #BTWFHerstory, and I can’t wait to read more!

I took the day off on Monday…to write thank you cards. Gratitude is the adult coloring book of my life; in good times and bad, saying thank you puts everything in perspective for me.

This week, I was writing thank you’s to the more than 100 donors that contributed to our year end giving campaign. They – YOU – didn’t donate to Born This Way Foundation, instead you joined alongside our team in investing in 35 nonprofit organizations from California to Florida.

Born This Way Foundation was so moved by our community’s response to this campaign we decided to match every dollar donated – and Lady Gaga did as well. That means these 35 grassroots organizations will receive more than $1,000 each. We wanted to make sure you know how big of a difference this support is making, so we invited these groups to record a message for all of you who made this possible…

The Channel Kindness Tour was an amazing success by so many measures and for me, it was one of the most fun, inspiring, and purposeful periods of my life. As I sat in the coffee shop, with thank you cards sprawled in front of me and an open excel document in front of me, I looked at the list of names and my heart almost burst from not only the number of people that joined our crazy experiment, but the number of friends, colleagues, and family members that supported these amazing groups like Pridelines in Miami or Khloe Kares in Los Angeles.

Lane and Ky, from Lady Gaga’s team, had already spent countless hours making our in venue activations possible and our community events as successful as possible. In each venue, Lane would store hundreds of donated toiletries for us, until the next time we stopped at a local non-profit and could distribute them to incredible young people in need of such basic necessities. They each donated; adding to the time, treasure, and talent that they had already so generously given to the Foundation.

There was Rex, Amanda, and Emma, friends and colleagues who give each and every time we ask – of all that they have – and are such incredible ambassadors of our mission. And right down at the end of the document, a familiar and unexpected name popped up: my mother in law, Ruth.

We had seen each other half a dozen times since she had made the donation in December, but she hadn’t mentioned it to either my husband or me. This tour had taken me away from her son more than she might have liked (though she never mentioned that either) and it required her to drive the 200+ miles to my house more often than perhaps she had time for. It probably even required her to put a pin in a map to remember where I was and what time zones I was in before she called and still, after giving all of herself – truly – to my family, she gave to Born This Way Foundation.

I am overwhelmed by these names, their stories, and what they made possible for the dozens of organizations that will benefit from their generous support. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for supporting Born This Way Foundation on the road, in communities, online, and with your donations. I hope you know, and that you feel, how incredibly important you are to each of us – personally and professionally.

Channel Kindness is proud to announce our 2018 class of Reporters – 50 young people strong, representing every region of the country.

Our team poured over hundreds of applications and – after reading their thoughtful essays and watching their creative and captivating videos – these young people stood out. And this weekend, we had the delight and privilege to meet them in person at our annual Channel Kindness Convening in New York City.

On planes, trains, and buses these young people arrived, welcoming each other, getting to know one another with curiosity and kindness. Kirah from Washington, Taylor from Indiana, Deshlee from Tampa, Nicholas from Walnut Creek and so many more. As I watched them add each other on Instagram and compare class schedules, I thought about the reasons we started Channel Kindness.

We wanted young people to have a platform on which they could convene, contribute to, and lead meaningful conversations. We wanted to invite them to tap into the diversity, idealism, passion, collaboration, and tech savvy of this generation and continue to leverage it for good. We wanted them to ask good questions, dive into relationships with curiosity and lift up their voices across their various communities.

We had timelines, checklists, and dashboards of how that would happen but now, as I ate my tenth Ghiradelli sea salt chocolate and watched the young people find their seats, their new friends, and their voices, I realized we hadn’t brought them together to talk to them about how to do it, we had brought them together to watch them do it; for them to teach us.

The stories that these young people will tell on Channel Kindness will be important, provocative, kind, and challenging – and I’ll read every single one of them. The thing that I can’t put on a check list or timeline is how this invitation will change these young people and how their acceptance will change us.

I sat on the stage for an hour with them, just answering questions from “How do you think about your role as a mother and an Executive Director?” to “How did Born This Way Foundation start?” and everything in between. I sat – in meaningful conversation – with these incredible young people and for 36 hours, I got to keep it (and them) to myself. Now, I am so proud to invite you in and introduce you to the hearts and minds that make up Channel Kindness.

Now that they’re not just mine, and we’re putting them on a much larger stage for all of you to appreciate and be inspired by, I have two favors to ask of you:

• Follow Channel Kindness on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram so you don’t miss a single story from these awesome young people
• Submit an idea for a Channel Kindness story! The Reporters are hard at work on their first stories of the year and need ideas about the acts of kindness and compassion – big and small – happening in your life.

My job is to eat chocolate and get out of the way of these fearless leaders – to use every chance I have to talk, write, and think to amplify their voices, their stories, and the world through their eyes. To each and every one of our Channel Kindness Reporters, I hope we make you proud, because you’ve floored us.

Welcome and Thank You!