Bi-frication and Kindness
Being Kind isn’t a #MotivationalMonday post on Instagram.
It is being available in human form to impart empathy on another human,
We have all become so inundated with the perception of what we look like online, that we forget how to act in actual life.
I am committing to being a person I would want to be in love with, befriend, co-work with.
The amount of followers and fans that you have on social media is pointless at 3am when you can’t sleep, when a close family member has let you down, a sudden death or loss.
I look at the cumulative 10K people I am connected to on social media and there are maybe 5 PEOPLE TOTAL that I can call if need be. In the past few months, I have spent a few days wishing it were evening, and many evenings wishing that the light would come sooner.
The lack of transparency online is brutal when you approach a place in your life where compassion is all you really need, yet judgement and passive aggressive Retweets, status updates and IG posts are what you intern receive. IN those times, it is impossible to NOT take things personal.
I have learned the profundity of that statement “Don’t take it personal”, must be reserved for people who do not have self worth issues, insecurities, and truly believe that they are substantially correct in all things that have to do with being a human.
I, for one, am far too fallible to believe even a modicum of that.
No matter how beautifully I would try to craft that poem, every line would be a lie, each stanza an epic proportion of deceit.
So, on the days when I feel less – a great friend gave me the most sound advice I believe I have received in this 3rd decade I am doing my best to traverse.
She told me “Don’t go on social media friend, there is nothing that is going to affirm you there today”.
Albeit sound advice, I am so connected to my technology, I wasn’t able to heed her advice. Instead, I went online – searched the timelines and found what I was looking for. More information that made me feel less than I know that I am.
My take away – be kind.
When it is too dark to remember that the sun will shine again, turn on a night light.
When it feels like the sun is shining on everyone but you, remember – it’s just a photo, positioned in perfect light, angle modified and filtered.
Social Media should be fun and informative, not self-deprecating. It’s a filter, that is what I tell myself – “It is just a caption underneath a photo, Azure. Relax. Be Human. Ignore the caption.”
This post was written by poet, brand humanist and creative strategist, Azure Antoinette. She is this year’s Emotion Revolution Summit MC.
Of particular salience in the dialogue across the country is the issue of sexual assault – whether on campus, in the military, directed at LGBT people, etc. The recent launch of Lady Gaga’s song “Till It Happens To You”, co-written by Diane Warren, is yet another vehicle driving discussion around this topic. Here are five ways that celebrities, activists and ordinary individuals across the country are combatting and raising awareness about sexual assault.
Pop culture as a platform
Lady Gaga’s music video for “Till It Happens To You” serves as a Public Service Announcement (PSA) for the issue of sexual assault and raising awareness about its victims. The song was co-written with acclaimed songwriter Diane Warren and produced for the documentary The Hunting Ground which assesses campus rape across the U.S. The video features several instances of sexual assault and shows how the victims are able to cope, seek support and find survive such a traumatizing experience. Lady Gaga is an example of how celebrities can use their spotlights and platforms to connect with millions of people, help raise awareness about rape culture on college campuses and sexual assault, and provide encouragement to those who have faced it.
Take a pledge, change the conversation
As a star athlete and one of the top football recruits in the country, Jerome Baker was a leader on his high school football team, at his high school, and throughout his community. Driven by a desire to rebuild the reputation of his fellow athletes and to change the conversation around sexual assault and rape in his community, Jerome decided that he would make a pledge to end violence against females. Not only did he pledge to do so, but he encouraged and recruited athletes in his community to sign on as well. From making phone calls to talking about the pledge in the gym, Jerome was able to recruit over 100 high school athletes in his area to join him. He is an example of how a leader at any age and at any level can change the conversation and encourage young men to step up, act responsibly and promote respectful behavior.
#SayHerName, tell her story
Janet Mock is an author, TV host, activist, trans woman, and a whole lot more. On a recent episode of Melissa Harris-Perry’s MSNBC show, Mock used the opportunity presented to her as a guest host of the show for a night to highlight a particular issue regarding sexual assault – and that is the prevalence of violence against trans women, and trans women of color in particular, by naming all of the trans women who had been murdered in hate-motivated crimes in the past year. That number unfortunately has increased in the days since Mock’s segment on MSNBC. The Human Rights Campaign and the Trans People of Color Coalition published a report that similarly names all trans murder victims in the U.S. Mock’s naming of these victims reinforced that they aren’t a statistic, they’re people and should be treated that way.
Tackling institutions
As a U.S. Senator from New York, Kirsten Gillibrand has taken up the mantle in Congress for reforming how the military investigates and prosecutes allegations of sexual assault. She has fought tirelessly, introduced legislation, reached out to members of both political parties, held hearings and, in doing so, has helped raise sexual assault to prominence in the national discourse. In a political institution that is often unable to come to a decision on many issues due to partisanship, Gillibrand was able to get Republicans and Democrats alike to back her proposal. While ultimately unsuccessful in seeing her reform included in the final military funding bill, she nonetheless took on the massive institution that is the U.S. military and brought the topic of military sexual assault to the front and center of political and social discourse. And she’s not giving up, as she reintroduces her legislation and keeps up the work to see her reforms come to fruition.
Taking a stand and making people listen
As the now-famous “mattress girl,” Emma Sulkowicz has been fighting for justice since her sophomore year of college after university officials mishandled her and other students’ reports of being sexually assaulted by a fellow student. In order to bring attention to the university’s handling of her situation and to make students, faculty and administration listen to her story, she chose to do her senior thesis in the expression of performance art by carrying her mattress with her everywhere on campus. She is an example of yet another individual who has brought the issue of sexual assault, particularly on college campuses, to prominence. Her protest piece refuses to let her community forget about her assault, and allows her to take a stand as a victim and not be silenced.
Last week, my daughter’s “Till It Happens To You” PSA premiered. The foundation has been flooded with responses, reactions and messages about the unfortunate epidemic of campus sexual violence. This morning, I wanted to share with you the personal story of one of the members of the Born This Way Foundation family. I share her resilience, strength and courage with you in hopes that it inspires you to ask for help if you need it, educate yourself on the resources available and take action to stop experiences like hers from taking place on our nation’s college campuses.
Cynthia Germanotta – ‘President, Born This Way Foundation’
Most young adults leave for college feeling excited about the new opportunities and relationships that await them. Many also share the mindset of “bad things can’t happen to me,” myself included. I left home for my sophomore year at a university 1,000 miles away from home, anxious to get back to my sorority sisters and my freedom. However, within my first month back at school I found myself experiencing a set of very different emotions.
Three weeks into my fall semester I was raped by a guy who offered to drive me home from a fraternity rush week party. The excitement and joy I felt just a few weeks earlier left and I suddenly felt extremely alone. I pushed away my negative feelings and pretended I wanted what happened that night to happen but I didn’t and I said “no.”
For years I didn’t tell anyone what happened. I made a lot of choices in that time that I regret and I began to blame myself for “getting raped.” I shouldn’t have been drinking. I shouldn’t have worn that skirt. I shouldn’t have flirted with him. I should have waited to go home with my roommate. These thoughts circled through my brain and I replayed the night over and over in my head. I wound up moving home from school my junior year to constant questions from my friends and family as to why I left.
Many people still do not know what I went through or how deeply it has effected me. I remained silent for three years, which may seem odd to some, but is actually extremely common with victims of sexual violence. In fact, 95.2% of students choose to not report their campus rape. I was not willing to admit to myself that anything like that could happen to me. I was embarrassed by the attack and by many of the choices I made after. I still have days where I wish I hadn’t gone to that party and wonder what my life would be life if I didn’t come home but I try not to focus on the negatives and look at the positives.
Although my parents did not know what I went through having them support my decision to move home was vital to my healing process. Five years following my rape I don’t consider myself a victim. I channeled the pain from my experience and used it to motivate myself. I am currently in my second year of graduate school for psychology and would like to use my experience to help others break their silence.
Having someone as influential as Lady Gaga share her own experiences about this subject and take a stand against campus rape is instrumental to change the status quo. Many colleges still believe that rape is not a problem at their school, which contributes to victims not wanting to report. The reality, however, is that about 20% of women will be subject to some form of sexual assault during their college career. That is 20% of women who will feel used, worthless, and alone if something does not change.
There are ways that you can help stop this epidemic. Organizations such as “End Rape on Campus” and “Know Your IX” work to give victims of sexual assault a voice. If you or someone you know was raped or sexually assaulted – know that you are not alone. Together we can work to empower students and put a stop to sexual violence on campus.
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If you or someone you love has been sexually assaulted, there are places to turn for help. For a full list of service providers near you, visit RAINN.com and – for immediate assistance – call the National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline at (800) 656-HOPE (4673).
Ross Szabo is CEO of the Human Power Project.
I stared out of the window of the psychiatric ward in utter disbelief that my freshman year of college had ended, after only two months. I went to American University with so much hope. College was going to be the place where I moved forward with my life. A setting where I could meet new people, make new friends, and finally get out of my small town. I was also hoping to no longer be haunted by my bipolar disorder that plagued me in high school. Unfortunately, the change to a new environment brought out the worst episodes I had ever seen.
After days of uncontrollable mind racing thoughts, I binge drank to shut my brain down. Nights of heavy drinking eventually led to hopeless depression, thoughts of suicide, and extreme loneliness. Then the hallucinations surfaced. Slowly at first with me just hearing my name, but the delusions built to assaulting voices telling me to hurt myself, and others. Luckily, I had the awareness to call my parents and tell them I needed to come home.
It took me six long years of different colleges, treatment plans and hard work before I returned to American University and finished my degree. Now, as I travel around the country regularly speaking to college freshmen orientations, I look out at the thousands of eager students, and let them know college is a great time for them to work on their mental health. It’s a time of growth and newness that offers some of the best opportunities to learn about oneself.
Here are some vital mental health tips as students get back to class:
1. Change can be a trigger. The first time you’re on your own it can be a really freeing feeling. However, that major change can also bring out a person’s first episode of a mental health disorder or cause a lot of anxiety/nervousness. Finding a healthy way to deal with the change like talking about the emotions with friends/family, writing about it, exercising, or connecting with others are healthy steps.
2. Get some sleep. Most students didn’t sleep a lot in high school and typically they sleep less in college. The brain doesn’t fully mature until the age of 25. Getting more than six hours of sleep helps the brain continue to develop, allows a person to retain more knowledge, and provides better health overall. The myth of pulling all nighters for last minute papers or studying is never more effective than getting sleep.
3. Think About How You Cope. The ways that students cope with difficult events like rejection, loss and change in high school can carry over to college. The longer a person uses a coping mechanism the harder it can be to change. Students who come to college that are coping by isolating themselves, abusing drugs/alcohol, zoning out with TV or video games, or other negative methods have a chance to take time and develop healthier ways to cope with life’s challenges.
4. If You Have a Mental Health Disorder Have a Plan. For students that already have a diagnosed mental health disorder, it’s vital to know what support you need before you go to college. Talking to a mental health professional to determine what kinds of resources are available is a good first step. Have regular check ins with family/friends to monitor any changes. Set up an appointment with the counseling center to learn more about what is available on campus. Try to normalize mental health as a part of a student’s life rather than solely focusing on or isolating the mental health disorder.
5. Make Mistakes. Students feel a lot of pressure to never mess up or fail, but those experiences are a part of life and can help people become much stronger. As students go through a process of learning about themselves, mistakes are bound to happen. The best way to achieve positive mental health is to learn from past mistakes.
This blog post first appeared on Daniella Cohen’s blog.
Wow. It is hard to express how lucky and inspired I feel. I recently attended meetings for the Youth Advisory Board to Born This Way Foundation, founded by Lady Gaga and her mother. At the core of the foundation are two key values: kindness and bravery. The foundation supports and inspires youth by recognizing the importance of emotions. We had an incredible meeting with Jason Collins: former NBA player, current advocate and role model. He shared his emotional story of adversity and bravery. He said, “Adversity is a challenge, a challenge to overcome. Live an authentic life.” Jason is a role model for bravery; he inspires countless young people to face their emotions in order to live a genuine life. He explained that the kindness of his friends and family enabled him to live authentically. It is up to my generation to change the way we view emotions; it is up to us to change the social climate and live authentic lives.
Not only is the foundation shining a light on an important yet stigmatized subject, the foundation is taking action by launching an #EmotionRevolution. The Revolution is “A joint initiative between the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and Born This Way Foundation to build awareness around the critical role of emotions in learning, decision-making, and both student and educator wellness and effectiveness.” I cannot wait to continue learning and working with the foundation to embody Lady Gaga’s vision of a better world.
Kindness and bravery matter. Emotions matter. Mental health is something we need to talk about.
